Conversations In The Dark
by mightyfinebear
Summary: A collection of five short stories around April and Ethan in the first few episodes of season 3.
1. Why Are We Hiding?

Why are We Hiding?

Ethan's phone practically hummed off the table as he was lounging on his couch.

 _"Buzz me in."_ It read.

He lazily got up with an exhausted exhale and hit the button. It had been a long day and he couldn't help feeling a little defeated. He unlatched the door and opened it as she made her way in.

"Where's your key?"

"I didn't drive, I took a Lyft over," April answered as she gave him a quick kiss.

"No one is going to see your car, there are too many people in this city," he said with a scoff.

"I like to be careful," April stated as she set her bag down.

It contained the usual; her night scarf, pajama pants, and a change of clothes. Although why she ever brought pajama pants was anyone's guess. They never slept clothed. An extra tooth-brush and her special body wash were regular fixtures in his bathroom.

"Have you eaten?" Ethan asked as he strolled over to the fridge.

"Yeah I grabbed a quick bite before I left."

April noticed his slumped shoulders and lazy gait.

"Did I wake you?" she asked.

"I was just lounging…waiting on you," he responded.

"You look sleepy," she remarked coquettishly.

"Why?" Ethan started, "Do you want to go out?"

April rolled her eyes and took her coat off.

"No, I thought we could we burn off a little stress, but you know if you just want to hang out on the couch…" April said trailing off.

Ethan laughed and shook his head as he walked around his counter. He pulled her face in for a kiss, but his tongue would not let it end there. He walked her into his room and then to his bed.

…

The instances when their legs were intertwined under the covers or when April would trace her fingers through the grooves of his muscles on his stomach. Fingernails grazing each other's skin; the light kisses in the small nooks of shoulders and necks. In his bedroom as the brick and steel felt like a cage for him; it was a refuge for her. Any annoyances he had with her dissipated when he felt her skin; smelled her hair; tasted her lips.

They existed as something unique, raw, and vulnerable in those moments.

"Can I ask you to do something for me?" April asked.

He was playing with the tips of her fingers before lacing his through hers.

"Anything," Ethan answered as he raised her hand to kiss it.

"If we're put together on another case tomorrow; assign me some clean-up, anything gross. I'll take care of it."

"Okay…can I ask why?" he said with a perplexed smile.

"Doris thinks you gave her the worst scut work because we're sleeping together."

"I didn't realize I was doing that."

April raised both eyebrows with a smile.

"You do."

"If I start making you mop floors and letting old men crap on you can we finally stop sneaking around?"

April let out an exhausted sigh.

"April, I'm trying to understand, you say you don't see us as some kind of cliché, but then you don't want anyone to know…are you ashamed?"

"No, of course not."

"Then what?"

"Politics and social hierarchy aside?" April started, "Ethan, I lost so much last year; publicly. I came to work and showed all our co-workers my ring and invited everyone out to Molly's to celebrate and then at work I had to end my engagement."

"Do you think this all happened too fast; that people will judge you, think you moved on too fast?"

"No, but then there was the baby, I don't know when, but I found out at work and-," April started as her voice began to waver, "When I'm with you I don't feel like anyone or anything can take this away and I need that right now."

Ethan lifted her chin and kissed her. He pulled her in and cradle his body around hers.

"Okay."

He didn't say it, but he thought it.

 _"I love you April."_


	2. Respect

"Hey, I wanted that last piece of sashimi!"

April was drying her hands after using the restroom when she'd discovered her missing food. Ethan grinned sheepishly.

"You know you said you were happy with just chili," April reminded him.

"I am, and I was, but your that little fish was calling my name," Ethan smirked.

"Seriously?" April scoffed.

The playful look in her eye disappeared and Ethan looked worried and surprised by her attitude.

"April, I'm sorry, I can order more, and I'll pick it up too if that's big of a deal."

April went silent and continued eating what was left of her roll as Ethan used his spoon to play in his leftover chili; he no longer had an appetite. The television buzzed as the two sat on his couch eating their separate meals. April seemed like she was paying attention, but she would not look over at Ethan. She got up throwing away her utensils and went to his bathroom to brush her teeth. Ethan watched her as she ignored him, and he heard the slam to his bedroom door. He followed suit moments later and slid in next to her.

"What? No goodnight?" he remarked playfully.

"Do you respect me Ethan?"

"What kind of question is that?

"One you're not answering," she snapped back.

Ethan sat up and clicked the lamp on his bedside table.

"It was just one piece of sashimi…I wouldn't have eaten it if I knew you were going to get this angry," he said coquettishly.

"Answer the question Ethan Choi."

"Of course, I do April."

"Sometimes I wonder if you assume things about me because you think I'm a pushover or maybe just don't respect me."

"Okay I'm calling the restaurant."

"Mr. Lee."

"What about him?"

"You just assumed I would go your way and when you found out otherwise you didn't really take my medical opinion into account."

"I thought we'd moved past this."

"Yeah and then you took my sashimi and it just reminded me of it all over again."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously Ethan!"

"April, I went to school for eight years and then did another four years of residency, so I wouldn't have to argue with a nurse."

April's eyes grew wide and her mouth opened to unleash the inferno brewing within her, but she just closed it quickly shook her head and turned her back to him.

"Okay, that came out wrong."

"No, no it didn't Ethan, it came out exactly as it was supposed to."

"April, c'mon I thought we were done with this…you know maybe Maggie was right…maybe we shouldn't take any more cases together," he stated defeatedly.

"Fine with me."

Ethan leaned over and clicked the light as they lay in the dark quiet; neither asleep. Finally, April said;

"Just remember that attitude, those words, the next time you want to bring up the status of our relationship."

Ethan clicked the light back on and turned her shoulder, so she had to lay on her back and face him.

"What is that supposed to mean? You said you wanted to protect this," he said gesturing to himself and then her, "Because you wanted to have something that no one could take…was that not true!"

April sat up, "No, it's true. Most days and evenings spent here with you makes me like the way you make me feel. I like that we have inside jokes that sometimes spill into work, I like that my undershirt always smells like your cologne, and I love the way you smile at me when no one is looking. That is worth protecting because those words you just used…to dismiss me and every other nurse that I work with would be thrown in my face by all the nurses _I_ respect!"

"That's _work_ April, I respect _you_ , and I respect the work you do but you're _not_ a doctor!"

"And you're not a nurse! And you are foolish if you think that _that_ dismissive tone isn't felt by me and every other nurse in the ED or the OR or any other place we have to put up with doctors and their egos. I know that part of who I am is being a nurse and part of who you are is being a doctor… can you understand that Ethan?"

"We are going to have to agree to disagree here April."

He held her gaze until she dropped her eyes down; defeated and frustrated. She turned her back to him again and Ethan clicked the light off before going to bed.

The next morning was quiet and calm. Normally they would cuddle, spoon, or make love before making breakfast and getting ready for work but the feelings of the night carried into the dawn.

"Here," Ethan half mumbled.

He set a small bowl of oatmeal and fruit in front of her.

"Thanks," she answered, but her eyes wouldn't meet his.

He stood staring at her. He'd seen this look forlorn look in her eyes before and he didn't like the idea of her feeling like this, but he really hated the thought that he was the one who'd placed that pain there.

"You know, oatmeal is supposed to be great for the heart, a good source of fiber, so you know that means a healthy colon, and I've even read studies that believe there might be a correlation between pregnant women who eat a bowl of oatmeal and higher I.Q.'s in their babies."

April nodded stiffly as she played in her cereal. She had no idea what Ethan was going on about. If anything, he was annoying her, was he trying to talk down to her?

"Did your mom eat a lot of oatmeal when she was pregnant with you?" he asked with a humble smile.

"I don't know Ethan," April responded with a shrug.

"Because it would answer why you're so brilliant, and of course there is your impeccable work performance, and warm bedside manner."

"I know what you're trying to do," April stated; thawing from her icy attitude.

"I'm just pointing out that I see you…and I appreciate you more than you realize."

April finally looked up and gave him a warm half smile.

"Do you?" April asked.

"Yes."

He pulled her chin in and kissed her, deepening the soft peck until his tongue hit her mouth and he could taste mango, coconut, and cream. Soon his hands were at her waist pulling her into him.

"Ethan," April tore away breathlessly, "What are you doing?" she asked as her eyes rolled to the back of her head, his lips had found her neck and were now nibbling at her sweet spot.

"How else are you going to smell like my cologne?" he whispered into her ear before

sucking on it.


	3. The Good Part

**The Good Part**

" _ **The good part comes between wanting and needing. When it's less about eating and more about feeding."**_

 _ **A follow-up from Naughty or Nice.**_

The makeshift shamrock- mistletoe wasn't the only surprise Ethan had for April. More was in store as he moved swiftly around his kitchen preparing each dish for April's tasting.

Ethan wasn't a big holiday celebrator, he was no Grinch either just sort of indifferent. However, April's excitement over family and Christmas get-togethers had swung the pendulum over for him. Giddy like a new housewife to show her husband what she'd made Ethan jumped at the jingle of keys into his door; April had arrived.

When she walked in, Ethan was right in front of the threshold, with a scarlet blindfold between his fingers.

"We're going to the bedroom."

The base in his command surprised April; stunned she muttered,

"Hello to you too."

Ethan gave her a quick kiss and helped her fasten the sash around her eyes.

"What are you doing Ethan?" April asked wistfully, "And what is that smell…it smells good, but I can't put my finger on what it is…," she stated, trailing off.

Ethan was leading her by the hand to his bedroom. On the bed were modern designed chestnut blocks with five small white bowls across it. Two expertly designed handles were hidden on the side for easy movement.

"That's the game," Ethan started, "I have five different dishes for you to try-,"

"- And what do I get if I get them right?" April abruptly asked.

"You'll see…eventually," he chuckled coquettishly.

"-And what do you get if I get them wrong?" April asked with a half-smirk.

"I guess I'll get to see," he answered mysteriously.

Ethan stalked over to April meeting her face; close enough to kiss her, but he stopped and reached one hand behind her head to release the clip holding the massive mane of curls holding her hair. April gave a light shake as the coils fell against her face. Like a magician Ethan had produced a red silk scarf almost out of nowhere and gently placed it around her eyes.

"No peeking," he answered seductively.

Ethan brought out the first dish; he picked up a white straw shaped food and danced it around her lips.

"Open," he commanded.

April honored the order and Ethan slid the food in.

"What is it?' he asked impatiently as April chewed.

"Hmm…is it apple?" April answered; slightly unsure of her response.

A slick smirk formed across Ethan's face. Although April couldn't see his face she could feel his hands; unbuttoning her shirt.

"Oh-," April said; startled.

"-Shh," Ethan quipped before giving her a quick peck.

Completely free of her top she asked,

"So, what was that?"

"Jicama," he replied while the next bite ready.

He slowly let the pungent sliver into her mouth.

"Oh! I know this one…it's pickled ginger!" April gleefully guessed.

"Hmm," Ethan nodded.

"How will I know what you're taking off?"

Ethan guided her hands to his chest.

"You pick," he answered coquettishly.

April tugged at the top of his shirt and he obliged the gesture by removing it. She used her palm to feel the warmth against his firm chest.

"You haven't won yet," he said picking her hand up and giving it a kiss.

He teased the next selection around her mouth, tracing her lips before placing it upon her tongue.

"Mmm…some kind of gummy?" April inquired.

"Nope," Ethan answered succinctly but eagerly.

His delicate kisses trailed the side of April's neck as he unhooked her bra and found her sweet spot in the crook of her neck. April let out a sigh.

"Last one," he whispered into her ear.

It had to be fruit, wet, soft, sweet, but benign in its confection.

"I think I know this one…," April began, "Um is it a peach?"

"Hmm, no, although that's almost my favorite fruit," he answered as he shimmied her jeans down.

"What is your favorite fruit?" April asked.

"You."

Ethan gripped the sides of her panties and pulled them down over her knees. He nibbled, licked, and kissed his way to the middle of her. April exhaled at his tongue to her heat. He looked up at her as she tugged her blind fold.

"No," he said quickly and stopped his feast.

He stood up and picked April up and pushed her against the wall. Sliding himself in as her back ground against the brick. She was enveloped by him. Utterly in his trust as she was in a black-out of desire.

"Ethan," she moaned.

"Say it louder," he half laughed into her ear.

April giggled. "No."

She writhed and pulsated around him until he stopped.

"What are doing?" she asked in a frustrated huff.

"Say it," he commanded with more bass in his voice.

She let out a defeated puff of air.

"Ethan."

"Louder."

"Ethan."

"Louder!"

"ETHAN!"

He erupted into her and then carried her to the bed. He collapsed next to her and allowed her to remove the silk scarf.

"What was that all about?" April asked.

"What the food? I wanted to try a whole 9-1/2 Weeks thing," he chuckled.

"No, not the food the "say my name" thing…that's not you," she stated.

Ethan rolled to his side to face her.

"Keeping us a secret might have influenced me a bit," he replied.

He was tracing little designs on her skin with the tip of his fingers.

"Here, you are mine and I don't have hide, I don't want to."

April nodded quietly and curled up into his shoulder.

"Ethan," she whispered.


	4. Tell Me A Story

**Tell Me a Story**

Ethan and April may not have been able to be openly supportive at work but at home it was always a time to bond. However, the huge news of his sister had stunned April as well as the case with his patient. She had agreed to meet him at his place but when she got into the Lyft she just recited her address and went home. A knock followed an hour later.

"Ethan," she said mildly surprised.

She'd been avoiding his phone calls and messages.

"You didn't come over…," he said.

He had concern in his eyes as he stood in the hall. She opened the door wider, so he could come in.

"Yeah," she answered.

Ethan rubbed the back of his neck.

"April…I'm sorry for not telling you about my sister."

"Yeah…," she responded again.

She had walked to the couch and was now sitting on it, hugging her knees to her chest.

"I work really hard not to judge people, but today was hard for me," she admitted.

"We don't all have families as close as yours April," he said cynically.

"That's not what I meant."

Ethan used his free hand to cup her face and make her face him.

"Sometimes…I think about my baby…I did everything I could...," she began as her chin quivered.

"And then to see someone come in and do drugs and hurt their unborn baby…I know addiction isn't a choice," she stated taking in a deep breath to collect herself. "But she still carried to term and it made me think, 'what did _I_ do so wrong?'"

April laid her head against his cheek.

"Nothing." He answered quietly.

He stroked her hair

"Is that why you didn't come over?" He asked.

"No, sometimes I feel guilty. Because to want my baby would mean being with Tate again."

Ethan's jaw went a little tight at the name and the ever-present reminder of keeping their relationship in the dark.

"I am happy with you Ethan," she whispered.

His face softened, and he said.

"April, you don't ever have to feel badly for grieving the loss of your baby or the relationship you had with Tate…I'm sorry I've never asked about it."

"I haven't always been ready to talk. Some days I feel like I've moved past it but then other days like this is just comes barreling back with a vengeance."

She nestled her head deeper into his cheek after he kissed the top of her head. Fingers intertwined she felt that safe feeling being alone with him, what it gave her, and the ever present vulnerable feeling of having it taken away.

"I wish there was something I could do to make you smile."

A small half-grin stretched across her face.

"There is," she remarked.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Tell me about you sister," she insisted.

"I did…at the hospital."

"You told me why you don't talk… all the bad stuff, tell me something good, a story from your childhood."

Ethan took a deep breath nodded.

"One year a few weeks before school was going to begin I bought a pair of rollerblades…I can feel you laughing April so let it out."

April burst out laughing at the idea of the serious Dr. Ethan Choi gliding on a pair of rollerblades it was comical to picture. But this was little Ethan.

"I'm sorry," April giggled, "Go on."

"Anyway, I was twelve and I'd mowed lawns all summer, pulled weeds, and picked up a paper route all so I could afford these expensive rollerblades. I finally had enough money so my mom took me to the store and I got these turbo-beefed up rollerblades with the flashing lights and the extenders… it was a lot," he scoffed.

"When I got home I skated in them all day, going up and down the block, doing tricks until my mom called me in for dinner. It was my turn to do the dishes and while I was busy with that Emily went out to the garage and put on my roller blades. Of course, they were too big, and she was too small, so she crashed and scuffed up my brand new three hundred and fifty-dollar blades.

"Oooh," April whistled empathetically.

"Yeah, I was ready to pummel her when I saw her crying, I went back into the house and got the first aid kit and cleaned up her knee."

"Aww, Ethan, the young doctor in the making."

"Hmm, I never thought about that, anyway I took her back to the garage and tightened the straps and I taught her how to rollerblade."

April smiled but she didn't say anything it was moments like this that reminded her of what a great guy he really was and why she lucky to have him.

"Do you feel a little better?" he asked.

"Mmmhmm," she nodded.

"Good."


	5. To Lose You

**To Lose You…**

April and Ethan are in bed and this is the first time she realizes he is in love with her. After the stabbing.

"You're doing it again," April remarked.

"What?"

"Re-washing the dishes I washed."

"I don't do that," he answered while putting a mug away.

"You're doing it now!"

"Fine, I like things done a certain way."

"Hmm."

April made a face and retreated to his bedroom to put her pajamas on. She threw his decorative pillows to the floor and pulled back the duvet until she saw him come in a huff. He walked over and stacked the pillows next to the window.

"Did I do that wrong too?" April asked playfully.

Ethan didn't look to be in the mood, he climbed into bed and turned off the lights.

"What is your problem tonight Ethan?" April asked seriously.

"Why didn't you wait?" He asked sternly.

"What? Wait for what? She asked.

"Me…I asked you to wait before attending to the perp."

"Ethan, I don't need your permission to treat patients, people who need help…you're not the only one whose brave."

Ethan huffed.

"You really do have a control issue," she stated in disbelief.

"Maybe I do, but I'm not trying to control you!" he yelled back

"What would you call that Ethan? I don't do what you want, and you get angry!" she yelled back.

April had flicked her bedside lamp on.

"What if she had been dangerous?!" he hissed,

"She was injured and afraid! Wait…were you?" she asked.

April's voice had softened at the look in Ethan's eyes.

"Yeah, I was," he admitted quietly.

"I'm sorry, but she's fine, I'm fine," April insisted.

She clicked off the light and they lay in the dark until Ethan broke the silence.

"I don't want to control you April…I wanted to protect you."

"I'm a big girl Ethan, I can take care of myself."

"Who would take care of me if something happened to you?"

"Well you seem to do a pretty good job on your own, I mean I'm obviously not that helpful to you when it comes to the chores," April joked.

Ethan turned over and clicked the lights on. He turned to her and pulled her chin over to look at him.

"No, not like that. I can cook and clean myself…I hope you know you mean more to me than that," he stated seriously.

"I know," she said.

"No…I don't think you do," he said as he cradled her face in his hands.

"You might the strongest person I know, you could return to work and even put up with me after losing everything…I don't think I have that in me…to go on without you."

He gave her a half smile and then pulled her chin in to give her a kiss.

"Ethan," April said softly, "I'm not going anywhere, crazy neighbors, and surprise family aren't enough to get rid of me."

It was in that moment that even though he hadn't said it to her; she knew. Ethan was in love with her. And loved and protected is how she felt when she fell asleep in his arms. A snapshot of things, when they were still good.


End file.
